As a new mother I am constantly comparing myself to other mothers. I'm learning that this is a very toxic thing. Last week I had a very rough morning with my daughter. She wouldn't eat. She kept throwing stuff on the floor. She would cry when I tried to feed her. If I left the room to get something to distract her, she would scream. I broke down. I got mad. I cried. I felt empty. I brought her to her babysitter's house before I left for work. This mother stays at home with three kids from 1yr-4yrs. They were all playing outside. My daughter got a big smile on her face. Sat well for her while she taught the oldest how to hit a ball off of a tee. I got jealous. Jealous and sad. I left and broke down again. The rest of the day I felt like I sucked. I felt guilty for working. I felt guilty for the laundry piled up, the dishes in the sink, the empty fridge, and for not being home to teach my daughter things. Mostly, I was/am scared that the first time my daughter says, "mama" it's going to be to someone else.
I talked to a few people this day about what was bothering me. Most of the responses I was getting were not what I was looking for. "You're a great mom. That's not going to happen. Don't worry about it." Thank you but that's not quite what I was hoping for. Two women in my life were the most helpful. One is a stay at home mom, the other is a teacher and is gone most of the day.
The stay at home mom told me how she used to watch her niece, and her niece called her "mama" for a while. She also told me how it took a while for her son to take his dad because she was home with him all day. But that stuff is temporary. Her niece is very close to her mother now and her son always wants to be around his dad. "Kids go through phases" she said. Her last bit of advise was, "It's a hard choice to make and I think every mother
has at least a little guilt about it. Value the time you have with her;
even if it's just watching her sleep."
The working mom related a little more and helped me see that by working I am saving us both. She worked through both of her kids growing up and they still formed great bonds. They don't get stressed out mom from them driving her crazy all day, and the time they get to spend together is extra special. Some stay at home moms lose their sanity and their identity. This is not true for all, but those who are all about their children 24/7 can lose what makes them who they are. Not to mention the lack of other adult interaction for 8-12 hours a day. This friend also helped me understand that it's good for her to make attachments to other people because it helps when we do need a babysitter. And the best part, "she will always know who mommy is and mommy comfort will always be the best!"
There is a difference between comparing ourselves to other people, and finding camaraderie and support within each other.
There are some women who are cut out for the stay at home thing. And that is wonderful. I don't know if I'll ever be that person who can stay home, make three meals a day, get all the cleaning done, do the laundry, take the kids to the zoo and museum, grow a garden, make jam, and anything else that all of these super moms I know can do.
But I can love my daughter. I can make enough money to pay for the safe car that takes her to the babysitter, where she can play with other kids. I can take her to the museum or zoo on the weekend. I can give her the same store bought jam I had when I was a kid. I may not have clean socks but she will always have clean clothes, even if they aren't hung up. I will introduce her to a love for books and movies. Her dad will teach her a love for technology and nature. We will always be her parents.
I need to make a conscious effort not to compare myself to other mothers. It's not easy, but I'm trying.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
"Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future..."
So, I was having coffee with a long time friend this morning. We talked about a lot of things. A blog was inspired by one of them.
I asked this friend, who is of the male species, "Why are men attracted to crazies?" he replied with, "The sex is great." O.o You laugh. I laughed. It's funny. This is not the first time I've heard this as an answer from one of my male friends. We kept talking and he went a little deeper and brought up an idea that never really occurred to me; 'women are not the only ones who like "fixer-uppers."
I never thought of it that way. We all know men like to fix things. When we have a fight with a friend, a problem at work, or a generally bad day, the men-folk have answers. Don't get me wrong, they mean well. But sometimes we don't want their solutions. We want a bowl, or carton, of ice cream, a hug, or for some women a handgun and shooting range. We want to vent and blow off steam. But men like to fix things so of course they, too, would be attracted to fix things. Ladies, we are all guilty of crushing on that bad boy thinking we could get him on the "right path." Who of us 90s kids didn't have a crush on Sean from Boy Meets World? It was always Sean and Eric. The rebel, slacker, bad boy... or the not so bright but sometimes wise and always adorable older guy. We never crushed on Cory. Cory was the best friend. We instantly friend-zoned any guy like Cory. The Corys of the world, friend-zoned, went after the crazy girls. (Sean and Eric had issues with crazy girls too)
We need to keep in mind, that while some guys did watch Boy Meets World, most of them were watching comic shows. They were watching TMNT, Power Rangers, Spiderman, Superman... hell, they're still watching these things. Men growing up thinking they need to be superheros. They save the city, save the world, save the universe. Above all else, they rescue the damsel in distress. How many times did Mary Jane get kidnapped and dangled over a building? How many times did Bluto/Brutus kidnap Olive Oyl? How many times did a creepy mustached man tie a woman to some railroad tracks? For as long as I can think back, the "damsel in distress" was an important archetype. I'm going to save my argument on the damage fairy tales do for another day.
Back on topic. Men have hero complexes. There are some women (mostly the crazies) who use this to their advantage. They put themselves in ridiculous situations for attention from men. Sometimes they stay in bad relationships for sympathy. Sometimes they exaggerate a situation to make themselves a victim. I've even witnessed a woman make up people and situations and drama. She called her male friends to come help her and of course they came running, only to find out that her "aggressors" were already gone. This happened multiple times. Years later, they realized that all of these stories were completely false and these people never existed. Some women take advantage of these "super hero" men.
Another way they take advantage is through the first answer... Sex. Now, I do NOT want to hear, "what man doesn't want to be taken advantage of with sex?" That's ignorant. My friend mentioned to me that the crazy women we're speaking of do things in the bedroom (or wherever) that some other women wont. But they use it as a control mechanism. In the beginning it will be all the time, then maybe not as much as the relationship progresses. Later, when you want to go out with the guys and she wants you home she'll offer it up as a bargaining chip. "If you stay home, I'll do that thing you like." Well, that will work a few times... But if you finally get sick of not seeing your friends and try to end things, you'll fight and she'll bring it up, you'll do that thing, and then you'll be right back in. Because you don't want to lose that thing. It is no longer about the person you are with and it is about what she has over you. You end up losing your self, losing your friends, and any shred of self-respect. It's a bribe. This sex is a piece of candy and you're a child with a sweet tooth. You're going to get a stomach ache. Don't get me wrong.. both sexes do this. There are men who are great at sex but suck as people and women stay with them because the sex is so good.
There will always be crazy women and the men who chase them. There will always be jerk bad boys and the women who think they can save them. As long as there are heroes, there will be damsels in distress (or vise versa). These archetypes are not going anywhere any time soon. Not unless we, as a society, do something to change the way we treat each other.
For the men out there, you need to value yourselves as more than "The protector", "the provider", or "the man-of-the-house" These are all great things but that's not all you are. Just as women need to realize that if they need something fixed they can come to you, if you need something fixed, you can go to them. Women are not weak. Not all men are strong. We need to balance and compliment each other rather than manipulate each other. Everyone is a little crazy. Everyone can be jerks. Everyone has the capacity for greatness. With that greatness, we can make the world a better place. Let start with each other.
These are just the humble ramblings of someone with coffee, thoughts, and free time.
I asked this friend, who is of the male species, "Why are men attracted to crazies?" he replied with, "The sex is great." O.o You laugh. I laughed. It's funny. This is not the first time I've heard this as an answer from one of my male friends. We kept talking and he went a little deeper and brought up an idea that never really occurred to me; 'women are not the only ones who like "fixer-uppers."
I never thought of it that way. We all know men like to fix things. When we have a fight with a friend, a problem at work, or a generally bad day, the men-folk have answers. Don't get me wrong, they mean well. But sometimes we don't want their solutions. We want a bowl, or carton, of ice cream, a hug, or for some women a handgun and shooting range. We want to vent and blow off steam. But men like to fix things so of course they, too, would be attracted to fix things. Ladies, we are all guilty of crushing on that bad boy thinking we could get him on the "right path." Who of us 90s kids didn't have a crush on Sean from Boy Meets World? It was always Sean and Eric. The rebel, slacker, bad boy... or the not so bright but sometimes wise and always adorable older guy. We never crushed on Cory. Cory was the best friend. We instantly friend-zoned any guy like Cory. The Corys of the world, friend-zoned, went after the crazy girls. (Sean and Eric had issues with crazy girls too)
We need to keep in mind, that while some guys did watch Boy Meets World, most of them were watching comic shows. They were watching TMNT, Power Rangers, Spiderman, Superman... hell, they're still watching these things. Men growing up thinking they need to be superheros. They save the city, save the world, save the universe. Above all else, they rescue the damsel in distress. How many times did Mary Jane get kidnapped and dangled over a building? How many times did Bluto/Brutus kidnap Olive Oyl? How many times did a creepy mustached man tie a woman to some railroad tracks? For as long as I can think back, the "damsel in distress" was an important archetype. I'm going to save my argument on the damage fairy tales do for another day.
Back on topic. Men have hero complexes. There are some women (mostly the crazies) who use this to their advantage. They put themselves in ridiculous situations for attention from men. Sometimes they stay in bad relationships for sympathy. Sometimes they exaggerate a situation to make themselves a victim. I've even witnessed a woman make up people and situations and drama. She called her male friends to come help her and of course they came running, only to find out that her "aggressors" were already gone. This happened multiple times. Years later, they realized that all of these stories were completely false and these people never existed. Some women take advantage of these "super hero" men.
Another way they take advantage is through the first answer... Sex. Now, I do NOT want to hear, "what man doesn't want to be taken advantage of with sex?" That's ignorant. My friend mentioned to me that the crazy women we're speaking of do things in the bedroom (or wherever) that some other women wont. But they use it as a control mechanism. In the beginning it will be all the time, then maybe not as much as the relationship progresses. Later, when you want to go out with the guys and she wants you home she'll offer it up as a bargaining chip. "If you stay home, I'll do that thing you like." Well, that will work a few times... But if you finally get sick of not seeing your friends and try to end things, you'll fight and she'll bring it up, you'll do that thing, and then you'll be right back in. Because you don't want to lose that thing. It is no longer about the person you are with and it is about what she has over you. You end up losing your self, losing your friends, and any shred of self-respect. It's a bribe. This sex is a piece of candy and you're a child with a sweet tooth. You're going to get a stomach ache. Don't get me wrong.. both sexes do this. There are men who are great at sex but suck as people and women stay with them because the sex is so good.
There will always be crazy women and the men who chase them. There will always be jerk bad boys and the women who think they can save them. As long as there are heroes, there will be damsels in distress (or vise versa). These archetypes are not going anywhere any time soon. Not unless we, as a society, do something to change the way we treat each other.
For the men out there, you need to value yourselves as more than "The protector", "the provider", or "the man-of-the-house" These are all great things but that's not all you are. Just as women need to realize that if they need something fixed they can come to you, if you need something fixed, you can go to them. Women are not weak. Not all men are strong. We need to balance and compliment each other rather than manipulate each other. Everyone is a little crazy. Everyone can be jerks. Everyone has the capacity for greatness. With that greatness, we can make the world a better place. Let start with each other.
These are just the humble ramblings of someone with coffee, thoughts, and free time.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
"Because when you're young, it's okay to be easily ignored. I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child"
Overdue Update
Two years and four months. A lot have things have changed in that amount of time. I have a beautiful, 9 month old daughter and I'm getting married next June. We moved out of the city and rent a condo in Tinley Park. And I have a great job working as a Public Relations Manager at a tattoo shop in my home town.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
On My Mind Right Now
I had an encounter with a person today who was so closed-minded, I wanted to smack him. We were talking about Power Rangers, because my text alert is the Power Rangers Communicator Alert. This man mentioned how his son, roughly two years old, was playing with a pink power ranger and a princess wand. As the boy tried to put these toys in his play chest the man took them away, and gave them back to his daughter. At first I was thinking, 'okay, the kid took his sister's toys.' Until the man continued on to say "no son of mine is going to be playing with those toys." I know people shouldn't get involved in how other people raise their children but I felt like I got slapped in the face. For some reason, I was under the impression that that particular brand of closed minded thinking was behind us. as a society. All I could do was roll my eyes and say, "to each his own" when all I wanted to do was yell him what an ass he was. This situation reminded me of this web comic I came across a couple months ago. It's all about perspective.
I brought this conversation up with a friend of mine and she made a very good point. She recommended to me next time that happens just say "Toys are only gender-specific because adults make it so." I never really thought about it that way but it's totally true. Kids don't think on their own, "this is pink it's for girls. this is blue it's for boys." It's something that is taught to them by their parents, grandparents, teachers, or other influential people in their lives. From the beginning we're taught what's right and wrong about so many things that shouldn't matter. "It's not right for girls to play with toy weapons" or "it's not right for boys to play with barbies." And it's not just what we choose to play with, it's who. 50 years ago children couldn't play with children who were a different color. Nowadays, race can still be an issue, but sexuality is the biggest obstacle. There are children discovering their orientation every day (and mind you, has nothing to do with what kind of toys they play with) and they are afraid of telling people. Their close-minded parents might not love them, their oppressive church may shun them, their classmates may attack them, and their teachers/administrators may not protect them. It's hard out there for kids and there are a lot of adults, especially parents, tend to make things harder on them.
I am lucky. My parents let me play with what ever toys I wanted. I'm straight but if I were gay, I know my parents would still love and accept me. And I sure as hell am going to do anything in my power to make things easier for my daughter, and any other children I may have in the future. I have quite a few friends who have children and I like to think they would be the same way. I know for a fact one of them is. I guess that's all we can really do for the minute. If my friends and I are raising a future generation, we can teach them how to be the better person, how to stand up for what's right, and how to "be the change you wish to see in the world."
Post Title: "Love For A Child" lyrics by Jason Mraz
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
"Change your mind or change your ways..."
So, at the last YASO I met a very interesting and inspiring man who goes by the name of Revolución MacInnes. He is homeless and resides mostly in Oak Park. This man is one of the most selfless people I've ever met. People say you can't help someone else until you help yourself. Well in some cases this is true but Rev has a way of getting him self by on just enough and then using everything else to help others, typically other homeless people. And one of the most interesting parts of this, is that he uses Twitter to help people. He has almost 2,000 followers from all over the world. He talks to people and asks them what they need, and then Tweets and gets it for them. He has gotten Vegan boots (long story), eye glasses, clothes, and even bionicles for an autistic 10 year old boy (i think that's the age) who is living in a shelter with his mom and 13(?) year old sister.
On the surface, Rev came to YASO and talked about his life before he was homeless, and about being homeless. But he also spoke of understanding, unfairness, believing in yourself and others, loving and helping people, acceptance, and picking yourself up. He mentioned that he was bi-polar, and he rambled and he went a little scatter brained. He stumbled and repeated himself. But it was beautiful. I know of several people who related to him very well on various aspects of his life, whether it's homelessness, being bi-polar, or just a little random. We went around the room and asked people what they thought of the night and at least 5 people said that he was "one of us," or "just like us" and from where I sit, that is the highest compliment someone can receive.
At one point he used the phrase, "I needed to be homeless." I found this so confusing. I admit, I was stuck on this phrase while he was still talking. And I don't know if I understand any more now than I did then, maybe not in the way he meant it, but I have figured out my own way of understanding it. I keep thinking of people who change their lifestyle to experience something different, life on the other side of the coin, to write a book or story. Now, I know this isn't what he's doing (although he totally could and I'd buy 20 copies just to give them to people) but the people who do learn things from these experiences. They learn about the struggles and joys of another lifestyle. People who join the peace corp, do mission work in other countries, or doctors without borders- they only get a taste of the way other people live. To BECOME is something completely different.
Rev also has this way of making me feel like I can do anything. All my life people have said, "you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up." but there are all these stipulations. You can do this, but you have to go to college. You can do that, but you have to start here. This man is homeless. He bounces between shelters. And he is changing lives at every turn; with every conversation; every tweet. That's what I want to do. I've known for the last year and a half that I want to start a YASO whereever I am. Whether that is Chicago, Vegas, New York, Seattle or Oklahoma. Rev knew me for 4 hours, we spoke for 20 minutes total, and he was already telling me everything I could do and offering to help me do it. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of support from friends and family in this. But hearing it from someone you just met, who is basing their opinions on what they have heard about you, learned from you, and seen how you interact with the people you want to be reaching... that really warmed my heart.
He's also helped me figure out my 'religious stand. while we were @replying last night (I'm not really sure if that's what it's called- I'm still learning this Twitter stuff). Instead of the 'he said this, and then i said' I'm just going to copy our conversation here.
On the surface, Rev came to YASO and talked about his life before he was homeless, and about being homeless. But he also spoke of understanding, unfairness, believing in yourself and others, loving and helping people, acceptance, and picking yourself up. He mentioned that he was bi-polar, and he rambled and he went a little scatter brained. He stumbled and repeated himself. But it was beautiful. I know of several people who related to him very well on various aspects of his life, whether it's homelessness, being bi-polar, or just a little random. We went around the room and asked people what they thought of the night and at least 5 people said that he was "one of us," or "just like us" and from where I sit, that is the highest compliment someone can receive.
At one point he used the phrase, "I needed to be homeless." I found this so confusing. I admit, I was stuck on this phrase while he was still talking. And I don't know if I understand any more now than I did then, maybe not in the way he meant it, but I have figured out my own way of understanding it. I keep thinking of people who change their lifestyle to experience something different, life on the other side of the coin, to write a book or story. Now, I know this isn't what he's doing (although he totally could and I'd buy 20 copies just to give them to people) but the people who do learn things from these experiences. They learn about the struggles and joys of another lifestyle. People who join the peace corp, do mission work in other countries, or doctors without borders- they only get a taste of the way other people live. To BECOME is something completely different.
Rev also has this way of making me feel like I can do anything. All my life people have said, "you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up." but there are all these stipulations. You can do this, but you have to go to college. You can do that, but you have to start here. This man is homeless. He bounces between shelters. And he is changing lives at every turn; with every conversation; every tweet. That's what I want to do. I've known for the last year and a half that I want to start a YASO whereever I am. Whether that is Chicago, Vegas, New York, Seattle or Oklahoma. Rev knew me for 4 hours, we spoke for 20 minutes total, and he was already telling me everything I could do and offering to help me do it. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of support from friends and family in this. But hearing it from someone you just met, who is basing their opinions on what they have heard about you, learned from you, and seen how you interact with the people you want to be reaching... that really warmed my heart.
He's also helped me figure out my 'religious stand. while we were @replying last night (I'm not really sure if that's what it's called- I'm still learning this Twitter stuff). Instead of the 'he said this, and then i said' I'm just going to copy our conversation here.
@daynuhrose13 Hello Ms. "D" thanks for following me. I am curious about your curiosity.
(i thought he was talking about my blog)
@From_Nothing well, it's not much but you're more than welcome to read.
@daynuhrose13 of course, but I was curious if you have a particular philosophy or tenet like agnosticism or atheism or something else?
@From_Nothing I dunno. I just kinda figure, be a good person, live a good life, don't kick puppies, and we'll see what happens in the end.
@daynuhrose13 That sounds just about right. Quite a nice philosophy to live by... :)
@From_Nothing thanks. I have struggling with this thought process for a while.
@daynuhrose13 I have wrestled with for 45 years. It is something I love to explore. I thought Pat said you were not a believer. Very cool.
@From_Nothing He means specifically in God. and as for that, I don't know. I don't want to wonder HOW we're here... just embrace that we are
@daynuhrose13 you've got it boiled down to the important parts.
And there you have it. 5 tweets to me and I feel better about my "belief struggle" because I'm not struggling anymore.
If you're not already, you should follow @From_Nothing on twitter or befriend Revolución MacInnes on Facebook.
Help him change lives and in the meantime, go out and change some on your own.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"You can turn off the sun, but I'm still gonna shine."
WARNING! THIS IS ONE OF MY COMPLETELY USELESS BABBLING ENTRIES. (You REALLY don't have to read it)
So, time seems to be going by really quickly lately. Maybe cause I'm busy. All I know, is I looked at a calendar the other day and realized it was almost April. That's really weird to me.
For one, it feels like David and I just had our 1 year anniversary, but it's already almost a year and a half. And I have already lived in Chicago for about 7 months. It's just strange.
Speaking of time... I'm going to be 22 in 3 months. I don't know what to do for my birthday. If I stick with the pattern, I should do something outrageous.
16-Birthday Party
17- Tattoo/Family Reunion
18- Birthday/Graduation Party
19- ?? <--I don't remember what I did for my 19th birthday.
20- Skydiving/Dinner and Movie w/Friends
21- Vegas
So, I feel I should be doing something crazy for my 22nd Birthday. I know it's not a big deal, after 21 the next big one is 30... but why? If I want to have a party or do something insane to celebrate, why not?
Because I can't think of anything to do.
So, time seems to be going by really quickly lately. Maybe cause I'm busy. All I know, is I looked at a calendar the other day and realized it was almost April. That's really weird to me.
For one, it feels like David and I just had our 1 year anniversary, but it's already almost a year and a half. And I have already lived in Chicago for about 7 months. It's just strange.
Speaking of time... I'm going to be 22 in 3 months. I don't know what to do for my birthday. If I stick with the pattern, I should do something outrageous.
16-Birthday Party
17- Tattoo/Family Reunion
18- Birthday/Graduation Party
19- ?? <--I don't remember what I did for my 19th birthday.
20- Skydiving/Dinner and Movie w/Friends
21- Vegas
So, I feel I should be doing something crazy for my 22nd Birthday. I know it's not a big deal, after 21 the next big one is 30... but why? If I want to have a party or do something insane to celebrate, why not?
Because I can't think of anything to do.
Monday, March 7, 2011
"Take my hand lets go somewhere we can rest our souls."
So, I'm really tired right not so I'll probably expound upon this later, but this is on my mind and I just need to get it out there for now.
When I was in Texas I heard a lot of people talking about being "called" to do something. or feeling "lead". I don't really know what that means. At the minute I don't know what I believe in when it comes to God and such. If God does exist than that's cool. Maybe I'll meet him some day. I just try to be a good person and if it pays off later, great, if not, well, I know I did what was right and that's all that matters.
But this is where I'm facing some issues. Have you ever felt like all these signs are pointing in a particular direction and you're not entirely sure why they would go that way, you don't really know what is that way, and as much as you want to find out and go on this adventure down that road, you're kinda scared of leaving the comfortable place you're in now and getting lost there? That's kinda where I'm at now. I'm not going to use the phrase, 'i feel lead.' but I do feel like this option is sitting there. Like this new road was just built. And I kinda want to go explore. There are quite a few reasons I can think to not take the leap. But there are a few reasons I can think to try it too.
I'm not giving anything away as of yet. Not until I'm closer to making a decision. In actuality it's not even a decision I feel I need to make now anyway. It's just something on my mind, and I don't want anyone else swaying that thought process in any particular direction.
So yeah. that's all I've got. and 5 blogs is enough for 8 hours.
When I was in Texas I heard a lot of people talking about being "called" to do something. or feeling "lead". I don't really know what that means. At the minute I don't know what I believe in when it comes to God and such. If God does exist than that's cool. Maybe I'll meet him some day. I just try to be a good person and if it pays off later, great, if not, well, I know I did what was right and that's all that matters.
But this is where I'm facing some issues. Have you ever felt like all these signs are pointing in a particular direction and you're not entirely sure why they would go that way, you don't really know what is that way, and as much as you want to find out and go on this adventure down that road, you're kinda scared of leaving the comfortable place you're in now and getting lost there? That's kinda where I'm at now. I'm not going to use the phrase, 'i feel lead.' but I do feel like this option is sitting there. Like this new road was just built. And I kinda want to go explore. There are quite a few reasons I can think to not take the leap. But there are a few reasons I can think to try it too.
I'm not giving anything away as of yet. Not until I'm closer to making a decision. In actuality it's not even a decision I feel I need to make now anyway. It's just something on my mind, and I don't want anyone else swaying that thought process in any particular direction.
So yeah. that's all I've got. and 5 blogs is enough for 8 hours.
"Falling in love is the easy part. Staying in love, takes a stronger heart."
Thursday, February 24- Saturday, February 26th, I went to Dallas, Texas with Patrick (my partner in YASO) for evoyouth. It was a blast. We got to Dallas and went straight to the gathering.
{WARNING: I HAVE BAD MEMORY AND MOST OF THE FOLLOWING COME FROM MY NOTES AND NOT DIRECT QUOTES SO IT'S MOSTLY MY IMPRESSION OF WHAT WAS BEING SAID RATHER THAN WHAT WAS ACTUALLY BEING SAID}
We sang some 'worship music' and a man named Dan Haugh spoke Thursday evening. He talked about how you can't be Superman. He talked about how you can't be in ministry, especially working with youth, and be two different people. You need to open up to expect the youth to open up. I did get a couple of the quotes he used:
{WARNING: I HAVE BAD MEMORY AND MOST OF THE FOLLOWING COME FROM MY NOTES AND NOT DIRECT QUOTES SO IT'S MOSTLY MY IMPRESSION OF WHAT WAS BEING SAID RATHER THAN WHAT WAS ACTUALLY BEING SAID}
We sang some 'worship music' and a man named Dan Haugh spoke Thursday evening. He talked about how you can't be Superman. He talked about how you can't be in ministry, especially working with youth, and be two different people. You need to open up to expect the youth to open up. I did get a couple of the quotes he used:
"All the persons of faith I know are sinners, doubters, and uneven performers.
We are secure not because we are sure of ourselves but because we trust that God is sure of us."
-Eugene Peterson
"Those who think they are finished, are finished. Those who think they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached ther goals, they have missed it. Those who think they are saints, are demons."
-Henry Nauer
I really liked those. I also had something written on the side of my page of notes from that day. Not sure what triggered it but it was just a passing thought that I wrote down:
"To sleep, perhaps to dream. But why only dream in your sleep? Isn't it better to dream awake; to remember, reflect, and grow?"
Anyway... enough of that. After Dan was done speaking we all went out for "TexMex" and had more in depth conversations. I'll be honest, there were a few points in that night where I felt really awkward. We were all sitting at a long table and on my side of the table I was surrounded by pastors. I wasn't entirely sure what they were talking about half the time and then I did recognize some of the conversation, I still didn't feel I had anything to contribute. Especially with me still not entirely sure where I stand on this religion thing. (just realized I was supposed to blog about all that and never did). But then we all split up, Pat and I went back to the hotel and had some serious conversations. It was good. We used to talk and hang out a lot before Life Bridge and YASO got started and the last two years, anytime we get together it's a meeting or something. It was nice to sit and just talk and bullshit like we used to.
Friday we all had breakfast together at the church. Neil was awesome enough to pick up a bunch of breakfast things (including the cinnamon rolls I requested the night before) and someone brought a box of coffee from Starbucks. Then Holly Rankin Zaher spoke. She talked about failure. We played a game where we all got in two circles (one on the outside, one on the inside) facing each other and took turns telling a story about a particular time in our lives we felt like a failure. Then we switched partners and told this story from different perspectives each time. We told it from first hand perspective, the perspective of a journalist, someone with rose colored glasses, and reflective optimism. [i'm not sure that last one is accurate but that's how it turned out when i did it]. It's not the story, it's the perception of the story. If you step outside your story, where are you? Real people fail, and succeed. You are not your failures or successes.
"When everybody's super-no one is."
-The Incredibles
"Ever tried.
Ever failed.
No matter.
Try again.
Fail again.
Fail better."
-Samuel Beckett
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could no fail??
After Holly spoke we all went out for lunch at Whole Foods. That was an experience in itself. I never knew you could eat at a grocery store like that. Although I was very disappointed in the fact that they do not have caffiene in any of the sodas/pop. I did get to feed a potato to a one-legged bird though so that was cool.
We went back to the church after lunch and Phil Shepherd spoke about taking time for yourself to Rest, Dream, and Create. I'm just going to include my notes from this part. They're pretty self explanitory.
"Cultivate dreams without rejecting reality. Define yourself by light, rather than darkness. I want the best for them, why don't I want the best for me? Love what you see in the mirror. Love yourself before you can love others." Everyone was talking about how they don't really take time for themselves. When they read they read theology books. When they do something they're always working some how. I feel like I don't work enough. The only books I read are for myself. I go dancing, I go to concerts, I go to game and LARP, I go to Karaoke, and I feel like I don't do enough for others. I don't work enough where everyone else there works too much.
After Phil spoke, Neil got on stage. Neil Christopher is my new friend I mentioned earlier. He was the mastermind behind evoyouth. He is a pastor in Ft Worth, Texas and has a youth group and was tired of being alone. So he got a bunch of other pastors (and me and a couple other non-pastors) together to find a way to not be lonely anymore. Neil told his story. It's not mine to share so I'm not going to be posting what he shared. I will tell you, he made me cry a little. I am very proud to call Neil my new friend. Everyone else at evoyouth was very welcoming and very kind. I don't know what it is about him but Neil has this spark to him that I can relate to, even though I can't quite pinpoint what it is. My favorite part about Neil's 'speech' was this indirect quote,
"At least in a loony bin, you may be crazy- but you're not alone."
Friday night a few of us went to Phil's house. We sat around and talked about everything from squirrels, to Glee, to Twilight, to Christopher Moore. Then Pat, Paul, Neil and myself went to a local bar called the Chatroom. It was a blast! When you first walk in, it's a little intimidating, and a little confusing. It's like, no one could figure out what kind of bar it was, so everybody went. There are bikers, hipsters, old people, young people, gay people, mexicans, and dogs. yes, there were two dogs running around the bar. The music on the jukebox was so random it was comical. There was a man selling tacos for $3 (BEST TACOS EVER!) and a girl who knew Neil brought a bunch of cupcakes to our table. Actually, I think just about everyone in that hole-in-the-wall, dive bar, knew Neil. And it was fantastic. I met some amazing people at the bar that night. I think I talked more to the people in the bar than I did at the actual convention. It was so surprising how welcoming and friendly everyone was. It's gotta be a Texas thing.
The next day, Pat and I flew back to Chicago.
That was my trip. It was interesting, fun, eventful, inspiring, and fufilling.
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