So, I was having coffee with a long time friend this morning. We talked about a lot of things. A blog was inspired by one of them.
I asked this friend, who is of the male species, "Why are men attracted to crazies?" he replied with, "The sex is great." O.o You laugh. I laughed. It's funny. This is not the first time I've heard this as an answer from one of my male friends. We kept talking and he went a little deeper and brought up an idea that never really occurred to me; 'women are not the only ones who like "fixer-uppers."
I never thought of it that way. We all know men like to fix things. When we have a fight with a friend, a problem at work, or a generally bad day, the men-folk have answers. Don't get me wrong, they mean well. But sometimes we don't want their solutions. We want a bowl, or carton, of ice cream, a hug, or for some women a handgun and shooting range. We want to vent and blow off steam. But men like to fix things so of course they, too, would be attracted to fix things. Ladies, we are all guilty of crushing on that bad boy thinking we could get him on the "right path." Who of us 90s kids didn't have a crush on Sean from Boy Meets World? It was always Sean and Eric. The rebel, slacker, bad boy... or the not so bright but sometimes wise and always adorable older guy. We never crushed on Cory. Cory was the best friend. We instantly friend-zoned any guy like Cory. The Corys of the world, friend-zoned, went after the crazy girls. (Sean and Eric had issues with crazy girls too)
We need to keep in mind, that while some guys did watch Boy Meets World, most of them were watching comic shows. They were watching TMNT, Power Rangers, Spiderman, Superman... hell, they're still watching these things. Men growing up thinking they need to be superheros. They save the city, save the world, save the universe. Above all else, they rescue the damsel in distress. How many times did Mary Jane get kidnapped and dangled over a building? How many times did Bluto/Brutus kidnap Olive Oyl? How many times did a creepy mustached man tie a woman to some railroad tracks? For as long as I can think back, the "damsel in distress" was an important archetype. I'm going to save my argument on the damage fairy tales do for another day.
Back on topic. Men have hero complexes. There are some women (mostly the crazies) who use this to their advantage. They put themselves in ridiculous situations for attention from men. Sometimes they stay in bad relationships for sympathy. Sometimes they exaggerate a situation to make themselves a victim. I've even witnessed a woman make up people and situations and drama. She called her male friends to come help her and of course they came running, only to find out that her "aggressors" were already gone. This happened multiple times. Years later, they realized that all of these stories were completely false and these people never existed. Some women take advantage of these "super hero" men.
Another way they take advantage is through the first answer... Sex. Now, I do NOT want to hear, "what man doesn't want to be taken advantage of with sex?" That's ignorant. My friend mentioned to me that the crazy women we're speaking of do things in the bedroom (or wherever) that some other women wont. But they use it as a control mechanism. In the beginning it will be all the time, then maybe not as much as the relationship progresses. Later, when you want to go out with the guys and she wants you home she'll offer it up as a bargaining chip. "If you stay home, I'll do that thing you like." Well, that will work a few times... But if you finally get sick of not seeing your friends and try to end things, you'll fight and she'll bring it up, you'll do that thing, and then you'll be right back in. Because you don't want to lose that thing. It is no longer about the person you are with and it is about what she has over you. You end up losing your self, losing your friends, and any shred of self-respect. It's a bribe. This sex is a piece of candy and you're a child with a sweet tooth. You're going to get a stomach ache. Don't get me wrong.. both sexes do this. There are men who are great at sex but suck as people and women stay with them because the sex is so good.
There will always be crazy women and the men who chase them. There will always be jerk bad boys and the women who think they can save them. As long as there are heroes, there will be damsels in distress (or vise versa). These archetypes are not going anywhere any time soon. Not unless we, as a society, do something to change the way we treat each other.
For the men out there, you need to value yourselves as more than "The protector", "the provider", or "the man-of-the-house" These are all great things but that's not all you are. Just as women need to realize that if they need something fixed they can come to you, if you need something fixed, you can go to them. Women are not weak. Not all men are strong. We need to balance and compliment each other rather than manipulate each other. Everyone is a little crazy. Everyone can be jerks. Everyone has the capacity for greatness. With that greatness, we can make the world a better place. Let start with each other.
These are just the humble ramblings of someone with coffee, thoughts, and free time.
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